Signs Are Everywhere

In order to learn how to meditate, I have been reading the book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One by Dr. Joe Dispenza. Chapter 11 lists survival emotions like regret, suffering, frustration, disgust, anger, and resentment. “… these self-limiting emotions are responsible for your automatic thought processes, which create your attitude which influence your limited beliefs, which contribute to your personal perceptions.” If I get rid of resentment, then all the other feelings will incrementally decrease.

Yesterday, I read and wrote about how to deal with, or rather, the necessity of controlling, resentment. It would seem the good Lord is ever waiting for the next installment of Michael’s test when I’m always asking for the next sign of life in my walk of faith with God. It is never enough to enjoy and marvel at the last miracle I witness.

God was waiting, as always, for my next test. I opened the daily word on Monday, January 23, to the heading of “Joy.” My previous evening’s reading of Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself was on my mind. I dreamt of the solution and a path forward. My dream was of the joy it would bring to be back in my bride’s arms again at home, stronger and better than before, and then the daily word message about joy appeared. I love the subtle miracle most, the kind only a man who hunts for the divine will recognize, but often, especially lately, the Lord is front and center stage. It was not subtle, and God was waiting for me to catch up. I’ve been spending most of my time figuring out a strategy to combat bitterness, which stems from the resentment I feel and the realization that my answer lay somewhere before the throne of God. My mind is reminded of spiritual armor, but the tool to use is praise and worship. And this is intellectual to a man like me.

Isaiah 35:10 was the verse referenced in the Daily Word. Could joy be the path to praise and worship? I believe in praise in every circumstance, good or bad, it is our obligation, and our struggle as a fallen creation. It was an intellectual acknowledgment, and I was prepared to move along… and then at 9 that evening at the N.A. meeting I drew the question, “How has resentment cost you in your relationships?” On Monday night at N.A. the group pick at random a new question from a hat, and that’s the topic you're asked to discuss. I drew the question about resentment. The intellectual escape I was entertaining ended abruptly. It is clearly the magic of an all-consuming God working in my life. “Thy shall obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.” The headliner reads “Joy Lives in My Heart” and then salt to prove it’s God… the Daily Word for January 24 is also about resentment and the solution “forgiveness.” I enjoy the subtle miracle and sometimes a big club is better.