Reflections On Metrics

My journey began by collaborating with my wife on our future vision and having five different goals to master this experience. Our priority was financial peace. I would not accept a proposal for a plea agreement that forced restitution beyond my means. Prior to sentencing, I paid the restitution negotiated in the original plea agreement. With that set aside, I am focusing on the other four benchmarks: marital bliss, better health, mental strength, and spiritual growth. The best utilization of my time is to focus on self-improvement and come back as a better, healthier man and husband, which will strengthen our relationship.

Our marital bliss is supremely important to me. I’m thankful that it has never waivered, it’s been improving as we write to each other and speak briefly on the phone. Oh, I wish we had more time on the phone. I am learning to meditate and visualize a brighter future.

My health has dramatically improved since I lost 56 pounds over the last 6 months, and I continue my walking regime to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Unfortunately, my diet consists of choosing the best alternative, and often the food looks closer to expired. However, it makes it easier to implement intermittent fasting.

To improve my mental strength, I started seeking other inmates with similar backgrounds, desires, and sentences. I found many of these men in the chapel, AA, law library, computer lab (Trulincs), and Bible study. I built the relationship quickly, throwing caution to the wind, who has time to postpone an obvious need while surrounded by people from every custody level ... it is commonly referred to as a car, but I didn’t want a car; only other men I could find a common bond while remaining independent. I believe I’ve succeeded. I consider myself fortunate to have found these relationships, and I’ve been able to carve out several accountability partners who may become long-term friends in the end. It is therapeutic to have others to bounce ideas, share concerns, and find comfort through the trials and tribulations of incarceration. My mental strength is improving each day.

My spiritual growth has mushroomed. I’ve found an excellent group of men that share my faith and are open about their experiences while in BOP custody. It is comforting to have these relationships and new perspectives about God behind bars. Much to my relief, I have found God in every corner of this place, and the Chaplin has made it clear he is a spiritual leader first and a guard second. The Chaplin’s philosophy is that the chapel should be BOP free unless the less savory prisoners abuse the privilege. I’ve re-enrolled in the Threshold FSA class. They limit the class size to 15 inmates, so I consider myself fortunate to have the opportunity. The topics covered are useful for my goal of finding spiritual growth. I begrudgingly have to admit the Chaplin may be a good shepherd after all.

I added a sixth mission, which may be the toughest piece of the puzzle to tackle; overcoming bitterness. It is poisonous to the soul. It doesn’t provide anything useful to our relationship. I catch myself automatically turning to a bitter viewpoint as the preferred thought pattern over and above anything positive when talking about the institution, guards, or the prison experience. If I’m going to be honest, not everything is terrible. I’ve built some valuable skills and important relationships and improved my self-awareness along the way, but more about all of this in the next blog.