Prayer Warrior

It’s time for a serious post and attitude check about the prison experience. I began this journey in a state of shell shock. The how doesn’t matter anymore, and the piece of this miserable experience I am grateful for is the prayers from so many. The reality of prayer has come to life for me. Rarely, in fact never, have I asked for anyone to pray over me. God knows my heart, and I crave privacy where I can sequester myself away inside a closet to pray. I value private prayer above everything else in my practice of faith, save salvation itself. I enjoy those who are competent while demonstrating their abilities at public prayer, so I take part in this type of prayer from the sidelines. I do not trust my motive; I have a giant ego that I struggle to keep in check. I wonder if my attempt to offer a public prayer is serving my grandiose desires or a genuine communion with the Almighty. I can’t discern between these motives. The solution is a private prayer where I can tame my ego in the closet's quietness.

A desperate desire to know God is in my corner is a considerable motivator for anyone facing federal prosecution. I ate humble pie and had no reservations about it. I needed people praying into my life, and the fastest way was to pray over my need and ask those people that surround my life. To my surprise, which is no mystery upon reflection, not a single person I wanted to be on my prayer warrior squad turned me down. Several people joined my prayer warrior team without invitation, and I have been thankful for their participation and steadfast devotion. Not one of my warriors has lost faith or intensity of prayer over getting me home safely and the hope of a miracle for transformation into a better man when I am released.

The warriors have allowed me to focus my energies on an introspective concern for my well-being. I realized: I will return home better, I will walk a path deeper in faith, enrich my love affair with the woman I married all those years ago, enjoy rest in the knowledge of having people praying over me, enjoy the pleasure of lifting my bride before God and I will praise and ask for His protection over her while I’m absent, improve both my spiritual and emotion commitments, and bring to blossom the full fruits of the spirit in my life.

The full fruits of the spirits are high-minded words. What does it mean to me? The humble pie was an enormous step for a man like me. I never ask for prayers, but always pray. I never ask for favors, but always offer favors. I never take charity, but am always generous when asked. I never think of myself and give even when it often hurts my interests, and most importantly, I never thought myself worthy enough to approach the throne of God with my petty needs. Admittedly, I am immature in this area of devotion, and what a wake-up call this has been too. I never refuse to join in prayer, or rather privately pray for another, and then the specter of incarceration loomed largely over my head. My tunnel vision promptly corrected, and none too gently either. Sometimes the good Lord whacks you upside the head to get through.

What a relief to have so many praying on my behalf. I am surrounded by an awful environment but am able to rest easy. I focus my prayer energy on the ones left holding the bag in my stead. A prisoner never goes to jail alone; his family serves the time too. Who will pray for them? I will, and am relieved to have the opportunity. I am free to serve the ones I love by lifting my prayers for them because I can rest knowing my needs are likewise at the feet of God. It may be my time of need, and I’ll take the help; I’m desperate for it, but it comes with a freedom I’ve previously ignored all these years. A freedom to pray without abandon, to finally feel released from the chains I’ve been wearing. It was my ignorance, and the chains of my own making, but God is patient with a man like me. I am stubborn, willful, and extremely faithful. I suppose the good Lord may find some use for me. For now, I am grateful for the prayers whispered in the ear of God over my protection and strength, and the freedom to know I can keep praying for the ones I love, too. This has been a consuming experience, and it seemed nothing else could matter at the moment. I reached out and asked something I’d never asked for myself, “Will you pray for me?” All said yes and continue to serve a man in prison so he may continue to serve his loved ones too. This is at the top of my ‘Greatfully List.’