Grace in Motion

It’s never an easy task preparing your family for the tragedy of a prison stretch. My family has been gracious, forgiving, supportive, understanding, and I am the first to admit I am not deserving of their steadfast support. Telling my family about my incarceration has been the most difficult part.

I recount the details of my wrongdoing with a peculiar flavor of contempt, a mixture of begrudging acceptance, gratitude towards God’s will and a profound sense of duty to protect the ones I love. I chose to fall on the sword, and I will use the experience of incarceration to become stronger and better. I will find a way to make my wife proud.

My description of the legal process is emasculating, certainly not praiseworthy, and I keep asking myself, “Is there a silver lining?” Those important to me insist the silver lining must be true, and I am forced to concede a knowable truth. I am a blessed man.

I’ve shared my legal troubles with everyone in my inner-circle. All of my family, friends and colleagues are united. Not one has turned away. The support and understanding I’ve experienced bring tears to my eyes. I can rail against prison and find a degree of satisfaction in the rant, but I won’t shed a tear over it. Learning about the value I bring to others in this life is truly worthy of a tear. It has been a wonderous surprise to find a strength of faith I didn’t expect, and a renewed vigor to wait on the Lord has blossomed.

It seems crazy to me that the criminal justice system can be used to fortify my bruised and battered marriage, renewed this man’s faith, strengthen the spirit of the woman he loves, I am certain she is proud of me (this alone is worth any price) and find solace with family and friends. My family is being forced to deal with prison because of my actions, but through their forgiveness and understanding I am fortified and able to face the prison experience ahead. Could this be the hand of God in motion?

The countdown to my surrender in seven days.