Do It Anyway

It was suggested I decompress and mend my shattered psyche for a few days, but rest is fitful and the feeling of dread only compounds. I am again reminded of the pernicious reach of the United States criminal justice system, and I lament the loss of the original philosophy of this nation’s criminal justice system, “It is better to let ten people go free than send one innocent person to prison.” It was the typical syllabus in civics classes taught in schools across this country ages ago, but today only one state, Maryland and the District of Columbia, require both community service and civics courses for graduation. Prison has become the punishment of first resort, and society is awarded mass incarceration. It’s my turn. I will self-surrender in three weeks.

I appreciate the well-meaning advice I received that rest will do some good, but I have little time to prepare for prison. I’ve been told I’ll have time enough to rest at my designated prison. I wonder where I’ll be incarcerated, but this concern is folly. I wonder how I’m going to rebuild my business. The bitterness and resentment I feel towards the United States government is palpable, but these feelings are not useful. My attitude of pride when I was a successful small business owner linger, and I wonder how to leverage this independent spirit into something I can use while preparing to be incarcerated?

I cannot control the Bureau of Prisons (BOP) inmate classification nor its prison designation process, but I can steal my loins to self-surrender. I can prepare, but how?

Such a simple question without a satisfactory answer. I spy an underserved prison population and an opportunity to provide a valuable service. There I go again, thinking like a small business entrepreneur. What was I thinking, that’s how I ended up in the custody of the BOP in the first place!

Seriously, how does a former gainfully employed business owner prepare for BOP custody? I have conceded little time to pray, but I am thankful the good Lord does not abandon. I am also thankful these concerns are not within the scope of BOP consideration. Besides, I recognize my failure in prayer is the fault of one … me. I am hopeful the good Lord will forgive my neglect.

I begin this stretch of the journey by speaking some of my favorite words to fortify my soul:

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway. If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway. What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today will often be forgotten. Do good anyway. Give the best you have and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway. In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them.