AA In Prison Anyone?

I’ve been attending AA meetings every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday, and I found a sponsor with a similar background and circumstances. I could not imagine being successful in finding an AA meeting and a sponsor while incarcerated. I am fortunate to benefit from both. I am progressing through the steps in an impromptu Saturday 12-step workshop. It moves along quickly and is a total immersion course on the AA process. I find it satisfying, enlightening, and instructive in the management of addiction. I will begin the next step of slowly and methodically working the steps with my new sponsor.

I am taking advantage of the opportunity for introspection and meditation. I journal the experience while documenting my progress through the prison journey. The adjustment period, or prison honeymoon, is definitely over. As I mentioned last week, I forgot to stand at the last count. So later, the C.O. tossed my cell. I won’t make that mistake again. It seems a little childish though. The human-machine is a marvelous mechanism. We know how to use verbal communication to share an idea or discuss issues, but that didn’t happen. Oh well, the rules permit such behavior without consequence. I will learn to live with it.

Overall, the prison experience isn’t that terrible, but I am in a camp. Of course, nobody would wish to be in prison. I’ve worked at the USP maximum security facility and the conditions could be much worse. The struggle is staying in faith.

I’ve been asking myself how to thank God for the privilege of becoming an inmate of the BOP? Staying in faith has been a battle for me. I will never betray my faith, or at least I tell myself I wouldn’t. The question is how to recapture the strength of faith I previously enjoyed. I feared prison before my self-surrender to the camp, and I know my feeling of dread was overblown at the time. I do not enjoy prison, but it is something that can be endured. Many others have been successful and so can I.

Believe it or not, God is everywhere in this place, and it’s not subtle. Is this the blessing upon the poor I wonder? I take comfort in that, but can I find the strength of faith I desire? I’ve been fortunate to attract inmates who share similar concerns and speak of faith openly. I believe faith is before my eyes, but am I ready to accept the gift from these prophetic inmates? I realize I’ve been fighting against the will of God through much of this, and I recognize the prison staff will scoff at such a remark. The opinions of the staff regarding these matters are not of concern to me. The staff has their issues and concerns; I give no credence to their criticism about faith or God. A jailer does one thing - keep the inmate in prison. I do not give them anything else.

This crisis in faith is turning out to be a genuine struggle, not the actual prison experience. I can survive being a prisoner, sure enough. My genuine concern is walking in faith. It’s been thirty-plus days behind bars so far, and my struggle in faith continues.